DECONSTRUCTING A POEM...and Happy Last Poetry Friday of National Poetry Month 2014!

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Howdy, Campers, and Happy Poetry Friday!  

Today's host is Tabatha Yeatts at The Opposite of Indifference.
Thank you, Tabatha!

Our Carmela is out to make trouble.  I swear...she's a full-blown cyclone blowing through Poetry Month!

(Actually, she's not.  I'm just playin' with you.  I've been on the look-out for metaphors all month on my website, and that was a metaphor, blowing by...the poem on my site today compares writing to a challenging walk...)

Carmela has posted (and reads aloud) two versions of one of my poems, and she suggested I talk about the process of writing and revising it.

So...here's the story behind HOW TO READ A POEM ALOUD:

I was asked to help organize a poetry coffee house night for teens, and I wanted to teach them how to read aloud. Could I smush all the information into a poem, I wondered?  My teacher Myra Cohn Livingston always read poems aloud twice; I knew I wanted to include that in my instructions.

I've found nine versions of this poem; there may be more.  But don't panic--I won't make you read every draft!  Here's the very first version:

2/8/07  

READ ALOUD HOWS

Take a sip of water.

Read the title to your daughter. 

Pause.

Read the poet’s name.

Read the poem.

Read it once again

Take your time.

Say each word slowly

Let each word shine.

Take a breath and sigh.

Then think of how the poet put her hand to pen 

and why.

=========================

and here are the next several versions mashed together so you can see the ideas I tried and discarded...

HOW TO READ A POEM ALOUD

[Sit down in a meadow with a friend.

Tell the poet’s name and the title—

Now begin.]

[Stand up in your kitchen with your friend.

Tell the poet’s name and the title—

Now begin.]

[Walk home from the bus stop with your friend.

Tell the poet’s name and the title—

Now begin.]

[Take a sip of tea.

Tell the poet’s name to your friend.]

[Take a sip of tea.
Read the poet’s name
and say its title deliciously
to me.]

[To begin,
say the title
and the poet’s name
with a small smile.]

[To begin,
announce the title of the poem
and the poet’s name.
Make sure to pronounce it clearly]

[To begin,
read the title of the poem
and the poet’s name.
Be clear.]

Now—[your job is to] completely disappear

Say [taste] its title

deliciously.

Tell the poet’s name to me.

[Tell the poet’s name to me.

Taste her title deliciously.]

Pause. 

[Be sure you’re heard

so I can savour every word.]

Now:

   savour  [polish]

     every 

       word.

Let 

  each

    shine.

Then—read it one more time.

Next, take a breath

and sigh.

Then think about the poet 

at her desk

late at night

picking up her pen to write—

and why.

*   *   *   *   *   

 And here some of my moods as I write
and rewrite and write and rewrite (can you relate?):

...confused...

...determined...

...patient...

At some point on this journey, I read Marilyn Singer's prose,"How to Read a Poem Aloud"...and though it's a terrific list, it made my head spin, so I decided to stick with just the few points I'd been working with.

*   *   *   *   *  

And finally, here are the two versions Carmela posted (they've been floating around the internet, passing each other in the night, for years)...which do you like best?

            Version #1

            HOW TO READ A POEM ALOUD

            First, read the title of the poem

            and the poet’s name.

            Be clear.

            Now completely

            disappear.

            Let each line

            shine.

            Then read it

            one more time.

            When the poem

            ends, sigh.

            Think about the poet at her desk,

            late at night, picking up her pen to write--

            and why.

                             

*   *   *   *   *

Version #2 (as published in Sylvia Vardell's book, 

Poetry Aloud Here 2 ~ Sharing Poetry with Children)

HOW TO READ A POEM ALOUD

            To begin,

            tell the poet’s name 

            and the title 

            to your friend.

            Savor every word—

            let 

                each 

                        line 

                              shine.

          Then—

          read it one more time.

          Now, take a breath—

          and sigh.

          Then think about the poet,

          at her desk,

          late at night,

          picking up her pen to write—

          and why.

                             © April Halprin Wayland. All rights reserved. 

Do I like one version better than the other?  Depends on what day you catch me.  That's the trick in creating something, isn't it: sometimes I know, I just know when it's finished: there's that satisfying click of the lasts puzzle piece...

from morguefile.com

 But just as often, I just...get...(yawn) t i r e d...so...I stop.

And that, dear campers, is the story behind HOW TO READ A POEM ALOUD!

Now, go outside and play.

posted with a glue gun by April Halprin Wayland.
(p.s: I've just been interviewed by author
and Seminar on Jewish Story organizer Barbara Krasner here.)

from mykidcraft.com

Really? Do we have to talk about revision AGAIN? Happy Poetry Friday!--now rewrite that poem...

This week's Poetry Friday is hosted by the delicious poet
Heidi Mordhorst over at My Juicy Little Universe

So...rewriting.  Can't we just skip it?  Can't we just write something brilliant and then jump to that thick-carpeted Hollywood office where we're signing the movie contract based on our book?

I've been feeling discouraged this week, so here's a poem about my work-in-progress, another novel-in-poems which I'd hoped would be finished when I turned in the April 14th draft in my novel writing class.

Finished?  Heaven's no!  Now that I have notes on this draft, I'm messing with it again.  My book clearly needs a little more curry or cumin or molasses or heaven-knows-what.  *Sigh*  

NOVEL THOUGHT
by April Halprin Wayland

I'm walking quickly on this path

I edit words I see are chaff

I'm making characters three-dimensional

I've integrated the high school staff

(the stereotypes were unintentional)

I've cut the zoo scene and giraffe

though it was beautifully unconventional

I'm trying not to be inflexible—

and keeping it was indefensible

(though parts of it were quite exceptional)

If only I can reach that raft

and climb aboard, untie the rope—

I'll sail off with the final draft...

at least I hope!
x

2011 April Halprin Wayland, all rights reserved 

My novel writing teacher's shorthand for "I like this part" is a check mark at the end of the line or sentence.  It's an effective and easy way to compliment someone.  No need to put a smiley face or write, "nice"--just a simple check mark and move on.  It also allows the person who is critiquing the book to keep reading...to stay in the flow of the book while still commenting on it along the way.x

.

When my eight fellow classmates and my instructor had read my novel, I lugged the manuscripts home and read everyone's notes. Then I tossed the notes that were complimentary, the ones with lots of check marks and comments about how fabulous the book was. 
x
I mean, yes, yes--thank you, glad you like it--SO DO I--that's why I WROTE it, I want to say.  Let's get to the meat, the real nitty gritty, the stuff you couldn't stand, the poems that should be cut.  Isn't that why we're here?

But I was feeling pretty low.  So I reached into the recycling box and took out a handful of the compliments--the ones I'd so blithely dismissed.  I read them slowly.  I tried to keep my getting-ready-to-be-defensive voice from yelling back at them.  I just. Let them. Like. My words.

WRITING WORKOUT: What to do with the compliments

So what's your writing workout today? Simply this: Listen to the good stuff, too.

Family Stories into Fiction

As my very smart husband says to me with a twinkle in his eye, “You don’t have to try to turn your life into fiction—it already is fiction.”

It takes a certain distancing to create a fictional character that is not literally you. One way to separate you from your character? Join a critique group.

Our group of four writers meets twice monthly. My group tells me when to cut an entire thread from my novel (even when I whine, "But I really did pretend I had wings when I was a teen") and when to cut a character.

Cutting can be EXTREMELY painful.

For example, in my real life, my sister plays a major role. So when my critique group suggested deep-sixing the sister in my current novel-in-poems-in-progress—aargh!

I don’t take every suggestion they make...but after weeks of reflection, I decided they were right—the story works better without her.

Looking for story ideas? Start with the non-fiction at your family dinner table.

My family’s long and painful quest for a dog turned into THE GREAT DOG SEARCH (which is on my CD/MP3). I tell this story when I speak in schools, beginning with the dogs we had before we found Rosie (including Magic, the huge black lab who was a “career change dog”—he flunked out of Seeing Eye Dog School—and Luke, the white puppy who was killed by a car.)

“I knew you were going to laugh when I talked about Magic, and I knew you were going to gasp when Luke died,” I say to the students at the end, “because this is one of our family stories.”

After dozens of tellings at the dinner table, I’ve cut the unnecessary parts and figured out how to get a laugh, how long to pause when the car speeds around the corner, and how to describe Rosie, with her Cleopatra eyes.

* * * * *

A family story
is a piece of shattered glass

tossed and washed

by waves

its fierce edges

softened

so I can hold
its ache

its grace
its laughter

here

in my hand

(c) April Halprin Wayland

We all have family stories. Looking for story ideas? Try the WRITING WORKOUT below.

WRITING WORKOUT

FAMILY STORIES-- Stories You Didn't Know You Knew

by April Halprin Wayland

You know the stories your family tells again and again whenever someone new comes over? Like the time you added salt instead of sugar into the cake mix or the fact that your brother is accident prone (is the family joke that he has a frequent flyer card in the emergency room?)

You tell these stories over and over because they work—perhaps they get a laugh or they explain something (so that’s why Joey has the scar on his arm). They bring people around the table closer together, too. These stories have stood the test of time.

Try one of the following:

1. Invite someone over for dinner. Or go to someone's house for a meal. Listen for the stories. Take notes.
2. Interview someone in your house. Ask them to tell you a story about you when you were little. Take notes.
3. Look at family photos or videos with a relative and ask them about family stories. Take notes.
4. With a notebook and pen, walk slowly through each room of your home. Does any object remind you of a family story? Perhaps a rocking chair was brought by your grandfather from the "old country"; maybe you remember the day your mother brought home that blue bowl—and redecorated the whole kitchen to match it. Take notes.
5. Pair off with a classmate and interview each other, sharing your family dinner table stories.

Now, choose one of the stories you've jotted down. Write it as if you are telling it at the dinner table. Include as many of the five senses as possible (his hair smelled of lemons, her apron felt stiff and starchy, the air was freezing cold).

Read your story to a relative or friend...or at the family dinner table!

Have fun!

image credits:
http://www.mediabistro.com/prnewser/original/fathers-day-dinner-lg.jpg

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/en/images/thumb/9/96/Jean-Luc_Picard_stabbed.jpg/300px-Jean-Luc_Picard_stabbed.jpg

http://www.naturalseaglass.com/tropicalseaglass.jpg

http://www.clusterballoon.org/index/index_01.jpg