Examples of Revision in Process

      Revision. That has been the topic for the last few weeks. I like revision because every change I make to my manuscript makes it stronger. 

      My fellow TA’s have covered the topic of revision from a lot of different angles. I thought it might be of interest to show you what is “behind the curtain” so to speak in my revision process. To do this, I’m sharing a small section from the book I’m writing now titled BURIED LIVES, which is about George Washington’s slaves. 

 
      So this is how it will work: I'm showing you the rough draft, then my thoughts on how I should revise it, then the revision of the rough draft. Now when I say this is a rough draft, I really mean it. For me the first rough draft is for getting the facts down in some kind of logical order. In my rough drafts, I’m not trying to write a beautiful passage, I’m just trying to get the bare bones down on paper-well the screen at least.

      So here goes...

ROUGH DRAFT

William Lee was with his master when General Washington rode away from Mount Vernon to attend the Constitutional Convention in 1787.  In the sweltering heat of Philadelphia’s long hot summer, state delegates argued and argued over what would become the United States Constitution.   Washington was elected president of the Convention.  No doubt William Lee stood near his master the entire time. 

During their time in Philadelphia, Washington ordered Will several things including a soap powder puff, black silk handkerchief, and a new pair of breeches.  Twice Washington gave Lee cash.  

To keep their discussions secret, all the windows were kept closed so no one could overhear.

MY THOUGHT PROCESS TO DETERMINE WHAT CHANGES 

TO MAKE TO THE ROUGH DRAFT. 

Earlier in the manuscript I developed that Will and Washington were both excellent horsemen.  Here I needed an active verb when the left Mount Vernon. 

I wanted the reader to know Will had a black handkerchief before they find out about the heat. 

I mentioned exactly when and where they were because the building-and the room-can be seen via website still today.  (I’m always thinking about how a great teacher could use my book.)

I wanted to show the authority Washington was given at this event.  I mentioned his chair because it is a great detail and the chair still exists.  I don’t know for sure, but maybe I could use the photo of the room or the chair in the book.   

In this brief section, I’m setting the scene for the Constitutional Convention and the fact that William Lee was there with his master, George Washington. 

REVISION OF THE FIRST DRAFT

 Will mounted his horse to follow his master again.  This time they headed for the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia.  Washington bought Will several items while they were in the city including a soap powder puff, black silk handkerchief, and a new pair of breeches.  Twice Washington gave him cash. 

Once the delegates were gathered at the Pennsylvania State House (later called Independence Hall) they chose George Washington to act as the president over the discussions.  He sat at a raised table in the front of the room in a mahogany armchair that had a gilded rising sun design at the top. 

In the sweltering heat of Philadelphia’s long hot summer of 1787, the battle over the U.S. Constitution began.  The windows of the Assembly Room were closed so no one could overhear what was said.   

REVISION HAS JUST BEGUN…

I am actively at work on this manuscript and will revise the text many, many times.   This revision above is only the first step after the rough draft.   By the time the book is published, this section will not be what you see here.  Each section of the text is affected by everything that comes before it and everything that comes after it.  In the final version this section will blend in with the story of the life of William Lee, George Washington’s enslaved valet.      

Revision is where the text becomes alive with nuance and voice and passion.

Carla Killough McClafferty

Revision is like building a sand castle.  You start with nothing and make changes until you're finished.
Images from Morguefile.com 

Kate Messner’s Thumbs-Up Revision Tool for Anyone, Any Time

Just in time for our back-to-school TeachingAuthors posts, which JoAnn kicked off Friday with a Book Giveaway of her WRITE A POEM STEP BY STEP, I share my THUMBS UP review of Kate Messner’s REAL REVISION (Stenhouse, 2011) – a must-read for anyone any time of the year  (really!) who wants to get his or her writing right.

Personally, I’m a Big Fan of the prefix “re” – as in, back to, return to, again and again. According to my trusty online dictionary, verbs affixed with re connote restoration and repetition, a backwards motion, a withdrawal.

Think Second Chances.

Think Do-overs.

REAL REVISION makes all of the above possible, breaking down the revision process into doable, fun-even tasks, by sharing the revision strategies of a bounty of award-winning children’s book writers – Mentor Authors who truly show readers that all writing is revising. 

Kirby Larson, Nora Raleigh Baskin, Jane Yolen, Kathi Appelt, Mitali Perkins, Donna Gephart, Tom Angleberger, Tanya Lee Stone, G. Neri, Rebecca Stead, just to name a few – share honest-to-goodness manuscripts and revision experiences of specific titles they’ve published in order to illustrate a key element of narrative – say, voice or characterization, setting or plot, and the writing process – maybe research, seeing the Big Picture, word choice, copyediting or brainstorming. 

I’m talking REAL examples that lead to raised eyebrows and bulging eyes and all sorts of head-shaking responses.

Each Mentor Author’s offering is the stuff of a mini, personalized writer-to-writer one-on-one.

Each Mentor Author also offers a Try Out for the reader that accompanies the teaching point of each chapter– an easily-reproducible hands-on, doable, concrete exercise that underscores what’s – really – important.

The quotes that begin each chapter are delicious, too.

For instance, Lisa Schroeder’s:

“Revision is like cleaning your room because it may not be fun while you’re doing it but when you’re finished, you can stand back and see what you’ve done, and think, ‘Wow! That looks great!’”

Or Kirby Larson’s:

“Revision is like a newborn because it’s a 24/7 commitment and worth every sleepless night.”

Or Donna Gephart’s:

“Revision is like a lottery ticket because it’s a golden opportunity to make your work even better!”

Throughout REAL REVISION, Kate herself wears both her author and teacher hat, sharing her writing life, her process and the revision stories of her books.  Kate happens to be a National Board-certified teacher – and – the award-winning author of such books as the E.B. White Read Aloud Award winner THE BRILLIANT FALL OF GIANNA Z., SUGAR AND ICE and the Marty McGuire chapter book series.

I don my two TeachingAuthor hats to sincerely thank Kate for bringing REAL REVISION’s Mentor Authors and their realistically-presented, insightful and informative revision strategies to the page in such a fun and readable instructive way.

Whether it’s back-to-school for you, and/or back-to-writing, don’t leave home without this anytime/anyone tool.

Oh, and don’t forget to enter our Book Giveaway for JoAnn Early Macken’s WRITE A POEM STEP BY STEP.

Here’s to that prefix “re” and Second Chances!

Esther Hershenhorn

Revision Strategies

Reluctant revisers are my single most intransigent problem as a community college comp teacher.  If I can't teach students how to revise and/or persuade them that it is necessary to do so, then how can I possibly teach them to become better writers? 

The most important principles we discuss throughout the semester:
Butt In Chair
Show, Don't Tell (which approach is just as important in expository writing as it is in fiction)
Reading is writing
Writing is a recursive process

My chief tool for providing motivation is, of course, the grade book.  It seems to me that grades (and particularly the threat of failing) should be a fairly powerful motivator when one is paying for one's own tuition; however, but by the end of the semester I still have at least half of my students consistently failing on all 4 accounts.  [Often students tell me that I give them too much work, and they are taking 'other hard classes.'  Apparently it is their expectation that because they already know how to speak and write in English, they will not have to devote similar effort to my class.  This mindset is a difficult obstacle to overcome!]

Typically my students have a 3-page paper due every 2 weeks until the research essay, which they have a month to write. Through several years of trial and error, I have arrived at the following process:

After assigning readings that model the pattern of development that I'm teaching, I introduce the assignment.  I model effective and ineffective student writing.  I discuss and admonish against common errors.  Finally, I give time and room to prewrite and write.  When the rough draft is due, we have a peer review workshop with specific feedback prompts. I do not grade rough drafts, but I deduct points from the final grade for failure to submit one.  Unlike many of my colleagues, I do not allow rewrites of final papers.  However, I give global feedback on each student's draft in order to encourage appropriate attention to the revision part of the process.  I frequently encourage visits to the wonderful campus Writing Center and give extra credit for visiting.  [Very few students take me up on this offer.] 

Commonly, at least 25% of students fail to submit a rough draft at all.  Another 25% make very little effort at revision from draft to final.  While lack of will is an apparent issue (as in the student this week who printed two identical drafts and labeled one 'rough' and one 'final'), I am fairly certain that another impediment is the lack of understanding as to what constitutes real revision.  While I try to discuss and model revision in class, it seems clear to me that I'm failing to give students the tools they need to apply my words to their own work.

Thus I was delighted to see a review in this month's SCBWI Bulletin of Kate Messner's Real Revision: Authors' Strategies to Share with Student Writers.  I immediately downloaded it to my Kindle and am pleased to say that I see many practical applications for my own teaching and writing.  Messner uses examples from a number of working children's book authors to show how her techniques can be applied, very specifically, in a classroom setting.  While I work with older writers who are writing nonfiction, I still find her suggestions applicable.  I highly recommend this book to writing and English teachers, particularly those of students in grades 4-8. --Jeanne Marie
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